Growth Perception

By Yoni Mayer

 

I think that many of us have a problem with connecting to Hashem because we have the wrong perception of Hashem. We imagine Him as this otherworldly figure, some Being who is separate from us. We think He is only interested in us when we're following His laws and adhering to the mandates that are imposed by Halacha. While I think this perception has its flaws, I also acknowledge that it is incredibly difficult to break out of an outlook that we've had for so long.  Moreover, this understanding of G-d has exponentially damaging effects as it seeps into every aspect of both our Jewish and individual identities, and can hamper our ability to process ordinary calamities in a positive light. So, instead of trying to brute force ourselves out of this worldview, it may be better to slowly sidle our way out of it, step by step, by first working through and overcoming the intricacies of the perceived relationship with Him.

 

The first, and perhaps most troubling to me personally, is the constant feeling that we need to be growing and bettering ourselves. In a commentary on Mishlei, the Vilna Gaon writes that “[a] person is called ‘one who is moving,’ because he must always progress from one level to another. If he does not ascend, he will inevitably fall, Heaven forbid, for it is impossible for a person to maintain the same level of personal standing.”

 

I remember one of my rabbis in my first year in Yeshiva in Israel saying something similar. He shared with us the escalator allegory in which life is likened to a downwards escalator: you aren't always moving and pushing against it, life will just sweep you down. You have to be in a constant state of betterment and growth. While I appreciated the inspirational element of the message, the sheer responsibility of the task seemed Sisyphean. I have to always be bettering myself? I can't lay low, enjoy a day off here or there? Every hour of every day has to be in pursuit of some better version of myself? It seemed unfair. And if I wasn't pursuing this task, if instead I didn't accomplish something during the day, I would feel as if I had failed in the grander mission of growing close to G-d. There must be a better way of approaching this element of the relationship with Hashem than feeling dejected and unsuccessful at the end of each day.

 

The answer comes in the unlikeliest of places. I'm someone who, although incredibly undereducated in music theory and its intricacies, can still enjoy watching a video or reading an essay about the complex workings of music. I was thinking about this problem of trying not to feel overwhelmed by the task of pursuing success when I remembered the concept of the Shepard's tone. The Shepard's tone is a musical illusion that is created by playing overlapping notes an octave apart. As one scale nears its climax and “comes to an end,” the earlier part of the scale fades in and takes over. The effect is an audio illusion of never-ending growth in a musical pattern. Think of it as the barbershop spiral. Even though we know the spiral has a beginning and an end, it's perceived as something that is constantly growing higher and higher. At its core, the auditory illusion of Shepard's tone illustrates how life is all about perception and the experiential orientation to the reality around us. The choice lies with us in how we are going to understand and perceive our own world. To rephrase the common adage, the world isn’t always in your hands; sometimes it’s in your ears.

 

This concept from the world of music can also be transposed to any aspect of our life. The power is in our hands to perceive this world as either unfluctuating or ever changing. Most prudently, it can be applied to a person's life when they feel it gets too cyclical and static in nature. Someone who is stuck in a 9 to 5 job, doing the same thing day in and day out for perhaps years on end, is prone to falling into the all-too-common trap of losing sight of the forest for the trees. We get too held up with not seeing any tangible growth on a day-to-day basis and fail to see the growth that has actually been occurring throughout the year. We mistakenly observe our days as individual units and, since we don’t see a major change day by day, we think that no progress has been made.

 

Shepard's tone teaches that life is all about perception. We know that Shepard's tone is the same pattern over and over and yet we perceive it as a constantly growing melody. As with most illusions, it can only truly work its magic if we allow ourselves to be wholly overtaken by its intended effect. We must choose to succumb to the illusion rather than put up a fight and shield ourselves from the mind play. However, it’s also very hard to break out of the natural, biological mindsets that human beings are subjected to, and therefore this is more a matter of framing than it is of radically changing the way we think. Humanity has an ingrained perceptive disorder. We naturally discern each day as an individual unit and to us, this translates to a life of immobility.

 

So, don’t try to break out of that mindset. The answer doesn't lie in the way we naturally perceive our world but in understanding that the perception we have can be interpreted in a positive light. We can't stop ourselves from naturally missing the forest for the trees. But we don't have to. Instead of getting dejected by looking at our daily life and thinking that we're not progressing at all, look instead at the “lack of progress” and choose to perceive it as part of the growth process. Just because something is the same day in and day out, that doesn't mean we aren't also growing. The Shepherd's tone proves that to us. The same notes over and over don't have to be looked at as a lack of growth. Listen to the notes in your life and hear them played, not as a static progression, but as a constant growth.

 

This message should be applied to our relationship with Hashem. It's okay to feel like we've become stale in the progression of our life. It's more than okay; it's completely natural. But it's our choice to either let that natural phenomenon discourage us or embolden us.

 

With the Shepherd's tone lesson in mind, we can choose to look at a seemingly ordinary routine and realize that it's actually a growth pattern. It's all about the framing and interpretation of our reality. This of course isn't an excuse to just give up on succeeding. I hope that the message hasn't come across as a permission slip to sit back on the couch for the rest of your life and just "believe" that you're doing better. Rather, it's a mechanism, a token you can cash in on those days you're feeling down and unproductive and just want to be uplifted. The Shepherd's tone teaches that we play the notes in our life. We choose the tempo, the melody, and the chord progression. After all, we are each the composers of our own symphonies.